I took a look around myself one day. Not just a look, but a LOOK. A real LOOK, a GOOD LOOK. It was as if I was outside of myself, looking at the place where I work...currently. When I got to the parking lot, got in my car and began to drive home, I continued my observation, my appraisal. When I arrived home, I kissed my children, hugged my wife and then I put IT ALL TOGETHER.
What is this all for? I mean we all have responsibilities. This is what WE SIGHED UP FOR RIIIIIGHHHTTT? We signed on for the DREAM? But, at what expense? Most people tend to change from year to year, I HOPE...Let me slow down because in reality most people do not change and they keep going through the same routine all the time. Year after year, month after month, day after day. One day a cat may look in the mirror and scare the shit outta himself and say something to the tune of.. Goddamn... I'm gettin' old and then some real shit might rise to the DOME.
But, this ain't about getting old or older, its about LOOKING around and QUESTIONING SOME SHIT. I mentioned looking around and what I found was that I am in a PRISON. Not an actual prison containing bars and limited access to the nature and fresh air. Absolutely not a prison of the MIND, as I am completely aware of myself, my gifts, my current limitations that I can or cannot set for myself, my direction in life and what I chose to accept and not accept; My growth as an individual, who recognizes I am clearly not like 97% of the people that are around me on a daily basis. I know my connection with THE ALL and I don't FLOW with the mystery GOD concept aka GOD is outside of me.
Coming back down from the higher level talk, let me get into this. Caring for those you love, those you call family and friends...Wearing that MASK at work everyday, pretending to like certain people and not punching them in THE FUCKING MOUTH, while maintaining my PEACE... and standing on my SQUARE. Masquerading as a public school teacher of ordinary proportions, while wearing an S underneath my shirt, budding entrepreneur and someone who actually gives a damn about young people and genuine people. Yet at the center of it all I AM IN A CARE JAIL.
I have found that it is possible to find ones self in prison by caring for and about others. It is absolutely possible to find oneself in a CARE PRISON by giving a FUCK about the FEELINGS and OPINIONS of others. And whose opinions and feelings are the ones we care about the MOST, OH YEAH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. If you are married like I am, the feelings of your children and your spouse are included. However, when does this caring go TOO FAR??? When do you have the right to say NO? This is REAL TALK...because I know there are many married people who HATE THEIR SPOUSE. Hate is too strong of a word, rather dislike and or feel disconnected from their spouse. A pivotal moment for a "better half" is the realization of not being able to be 100% who they authentically are. Such newly awakened martyrs, also recognize that they are falling into a trap that many men and women in their family have fallen into. The trap of giving and caring about everyone else, to the point that their mental well being and physical health could fall to the wayside and be put in jeopardy. All of that, from looking after everyone else at the EXPENSE OF YOU...BUT WHY?
Caring for the people that you love, respect and want to see the best for can be a double edged sword. It is a very tough balancing act. As a REAL MAN and yes REAL MEN DO STILL EXIST, and in particular,as A REAL BLACK MAN THAT TAKES CARE OF HIS FAMILY, we feel the responsibility for our household and at the same time we feel the BURDEN of extended family obligations. Don't get my wrong, I love my children and I love my wife yet, sometimes I feel like a SUCKA. I mean I give all that I can give and as a father, my children need my love, my guidance, my attention, my silliness, my discipline etc. My wife needs my hugs, my attention, my approval of what she believes in, my approval of what she values that I may not care about at all, BUT WAIT A MINUTE.
I have commitments that I must honor that are of high importance to myself and I am sure every REAL MAN is dealing or has dealt with similar feelings. As a person who feels the charge to do the right thing, the interest in seeing the outcome of my efforts and receives the love of doing what is honorable descent amount of the time, in the most important moments WE DO NOT GET THAT RECOGNITION WE DESERVE . Sometimes, we get a DROUGHT and do not get recognition for a LOOONNGGGG TIME. Too much of that makes me LOOK REAL CLOSE. Yet, we cannot avoid caring for others, but like I said-when does it GO TOO FAR?
Sometimes I wonder am I giving for the WRONG REASONS? I wonder if I am taking care of my family in an unhealthy way, as in neglecting myself? I wonder how much longer am I going to continue working this job and not putting total energy into this website, other writing endeavors and my Divine Purpose/Destiny. More importantly, I sometimes wonder about the balance between, my job, my family and my spiritual, metaphysical and occult studies. Studying THAT ARMOR if you will, to smack the SHIT out of all that I DO NOT wish to experience. Sometimes I wonder whose LOVE is the most important, yet NO love is more important than THE LOVE OF SELF and that love leads to the true KNOWLEDGE OF SELF.
Needless to say, there is money and happiness to be had not just for everyone else, but FOR ME as well. I have family members and old friends who are FACEBOOK FIENDS. Everything they do is on FACEBOOK. The lunch they ate, a bag of chips, video and pictures of birthday parties, complaints that should be kept between the conversations of the people in our family and friend circles. Its too much!!! Yet, if I do not look at Facebook AS I OFTEN DO NOT, I have family members who get OFFENDED. "How dare you not like my Facebook post!" HUH???? Again, someone trying to keep me in "Care Jail."
I am sorry, I just cannot sit in such a place. When needed for my personal benefit, I strategically tell my wife, children, family and friends no, very politely. No, is also used at work. Yes...and I just heard the air escape from your lungs as you just pictured me telling a supervisor NO. Can you imagine telling your supervisor..FUCK YOU BITCH, I AIN'T DOING A MUTHAFUCKIN' THANG. LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT!!! Can you imagine THAT? Doesn't that FEEL GOOD, WHAT A RELEASE!!! Now I will not do such a thing and I do not advise you to do it either. However, I do advise you to take time for yourself and focus on yourself as best as you can. It is hard to do at times.
Working on my Destiny, my Goals is usually a late night process and often during the day I am tired. Yet, I recognize the end result, I see the end result, I KNOW THE END RESULT. You as well need to recognize the end result and the reason why you are doing what you do everyday. Why do you get out of bed every morning? When you put these thoughts to the test, you also need to examine are you giving quality time to yourself and your dreams. You also need to examine if the people in your circle are in support of your efforts, YOU and your dreams. While, you are at it, you need to examine if that support is REAL or are they content with seeing you in "CARE JAIL." Are those around you content with seeing the life sucked out of you for their benefit? Think about it.
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COPYRIGHT 2017 JASSIRI NASSOR/THOUGHT ELEVATION OLA