Bad Things Can Come From Love...

 

Glaring red and blue lights closed in from all directions! In this moment,

he realized that love is not supposed to bring pain, regret and

bewilderment...ever. Contemplate this question. Do you confuse desire

and reality in the pursuit of love? Jabari was such a man, whose ideal

of love was such a flight of fancy that he commonly kept it to himself.

12 months prior to his epiphany, while making the finishing touches on

his latest e-book, he wrote down what would ultimately be his most

vigorous affirmation of the heart. A most intriguing and emotional

manifesto, L.O.V.E., lusting, overnight, vilified and everlasting, gleamed

from the top page of his notebook. In this world of one night stands,

lies and deception between men and women of the single scene and in

particular, the capitol of the Peach State, he nobly stands with the

ranks of honorable men. Men, who love and respect women, with the

due diligence that such an undertaking deserves. Far from a simpleton

in affairs of the heart and after two years of encounters with

unscrupulous women, he is on his ninth month of not dating and 18th

month of celibacy. Clearly experience is the best teacher. As he arose

from his lectern, which served as a place of nourishment and creative

output, women who sat around him quickly stole a glance, as

he simply grabbed a few napkins and returned. Resembling an athletic

Omar Epps with a fashion sense that is respectable, gave women a

reason to look. Once settle back into his seat, he thought of how he

paid no attention to the piercing stares. In his mind the potential for

love is the only language he is willing to hear and in his mind lustful

stares only lead to lustful intentions. 

 Nevertheless, to see so many attractive women playing the role of the

uninterested, unapproachable, fixated on the laptop, engrossed in a

personal conversation with a friend or the quickly turning away when

looked at female, made for the development of the “been there seen

that” attitude that engrossed him. A woman, coming out of the box

that society has spoken of in volumes in relation to the so called "rules

of engagement" between male and female strangers, would be

refreshing. “Fuck chivalry” he thought. He recalled the last woman he

dated before his vow of celibacy, Hannah.

She was European, 5”2” 120 lbs with short brown hair, light green eyes

and the body of a Victoria Secret model. She was petite with flat

chiseled abs, stunning beautiful face and a very sexy walk that men

cannot help but adore. They met at a jazz club and at the time they

were both sexually curious about their opposite races. Sex was

breathtaking with Hannah. Sex was a marathon of the wills! Who was

going to submit or tap out first? There was not an inch of Jabari’s or

Hannah’s living quarters that was not tested for sexual fulfillment…but

the problem was that, love was not in the equation. She wanted sex so

much that before he broke of the la dolce vita, sex occurred four times

a day!

Jabari ultimately figured out that she was draining his productivity and

his energy. Not good, she had to go. That was a tough situation to let

go of. He went through a Pookie phase. “It” kept calling him and calling

him. Then thoughts went back further, to his fling with Nina.

Nina was Brazilian, with the body of a goddess. Many Brazilian women

have bodies that typically are very curvaceous. Nina was no exception.

Her naturally curly black hair, bronze skin and light hazel eyes gave her

a naturally exotic look. She simply was a stunning woman to behold. He

met her at a friend’s house party two months after the Hannah debacle.

Eventually, he ended up having more than the norm with Nina.

Spectacular Kama Sutra was the norm, oh...the strategies; the Hero, the

Triumph, the Arch, the Magic Mountain, the Glowing Juniper, the Cross-

legged, the Seduction, the Curled Angel, the DON’T STOP, GET, GET!!!

However, there turned out to be two important problems. He grew to

disdain sex outside of love and well...she turned out to be married! Her

excuse of an open marriage still left him feeling grimy.

Aaaaahhhhhgggg!!!

Abstaining from animal products was a part of his life already, however

he felt he needed to develop his spiritual side and being alone was his

answer. The shady pseudo relationships with women had to end. Thus,

in his mind the potential for love was the only language he was willing

to hear. Besides, the lack of sexual release increased his focus and

physical strength by leaps and bounds. “This is so interesting,” he

sarcastically muttered, “So many beautiful women and yet no

individualism.”  The vast array of blooming groceries and dazzling food

at Complete Vegan made it a hub for the young, fashionable and fit. It

also made for a great case study of unending story ideas.

While fixated on the spices of his meal and the commas in his writing

piece, a majestic calling hearkened his attention forward.

She...walked with the rhythm of the greatest poetry and the fashion of

a woman unafraid of expressing individuality and style. His heart raced

and body tensed as the physical manifestation of his innermost desires

had just gracefully sat at the table next to his, to enjoy a meal as well.

“Good Afternoon, how are you,” said the angel. Her words seemed to

have been spoken in slow motion, as he surveyed her light brown eyes,

full lips, groovy earrings, chic natural hairstyle and funky duds. “I feel

great, top-notch in fact,” he replied with a mixture of astonishment and

confidence.

She smiled with approval at his quick witted response, with deep

dimples on display, within flawless coco skin. Brief silence…as the

mystery woman took her turn at surveying the man of a thousand

glances. As the sun gleamed through the windows and lay upon the

tempters of fate, the dance of infatuation resumed. My name is Jabari

and you are…Isha…Isha Faraji, she said. 

Faraji in Swahili means "consolation" and his spirit yearned for such

consolation in the mist of the yearning for genuine companionship.

Companionship sought in spite of the fact that bad things can come

from love

His heart began to beat faster as indeed, she was uniquely beautiful as

well as fashionable.  Conversation ensued for what seemed like hours,

as talk of fashion, people, life goals and inflated egos brought laughter

and insight.

Meanwhile, the bashful and astonished female onlookers sucked their

teeth. Her easy humor and keen intellect soothed the innermost fabric

of his soul and provided a glimpse of future possibilities. Numbers

were exchanged and the excitement began.

After a number of meetings and after the layers of bullshit had been

removed a crossroads was reached, were a decision had to be made.

“Where is this relationship going?" asked angel Isha. Males have always

thought in such a “corner” that everything was going fine.

Jabari assumed that trips to the movie theater to see the latest love

tale with the Hollywood "star" of the moment was acceptable.

Especially considering that he had to pretend to like those movies. He

resolved that trips to restaurants, cooking occasionally, walks in the

park were wonderful and bonding experiences. Men really believe that

the sharing of intimate moments and close cuddling are quite ample in

its perfection. However, deep down everyone wants love, despite the

fact that bad things can come from love

“I want to see our relationship go to another level as well,” responded

Jabari, begrudgingly. With confident assumption, most men who are

put in this situation agree to take the relationship to the next level.

Especially, if she can create a plate of food that a man can brag to his

friends about, she exercises regularly, keeping her body looking great

and of course the ultimate deal breaker is the ohh la la la. You know

what the ohh la la is!!!!!! 

Most men do not want to separate from the ohh la la. Thus he agreed

to O.K. the continuance of the courtship. Even though deep inside he

felt that, bad things can come from love

When a man spends quality time with a woman, evidence is compiled.

Yet, in many circumstances the evidence is overlooked, overlooked and

overlooked again. “I have to go and finish an article that I am writing

for Distinction Magazine.” Jabari insisted that he would call later.

"Please don't go, if you do I will never speak to you again," Isha

pleaded. 

 At first it was startling and yet cute at the same time. After passionate

love was made, that of course made him glad that he did not leave,

however, he thought, bad things can come from love

A week later after several days of a mix of great outings and substitute

phone conversations, she does not want him to leave and once

again, he attempts to talk to her about the issue at hand, in a mature

manner. Yet, after a short period of time, after several other

moments spent in bliss, the un-favored trait appeared again.

Isha wanted Jabari around more often and it was cool at first, but after

a while he emphatically uttered “damn can I breathe?!”  Isha shook

with surprise and horror as the man of her dreams showed anger for

the first time in their seven month relationship.

“Believe me, I love you and everything our love represents, but

sometimes I want to hang out with friends or be alone, not to

mention my work means a lot to me and it takes concentration for

me to be great at it ,” Jabari pleaded.

They embraced for what seemed like an eternity for both, as warmth

and comfort replaced the outburst. He felt an uncomfortable numbness

as he drove away from her house, knowing in the back of his mind that,

bad things can come from love.

When alone and away from Isha, he thought candidly about the woman

whom he had come to adore. For so long he waited patiently for

someone that could complete him.  In Isha, he believed that he finally

found a woman who could uplift and support him in the name of love.

He thought about the pattern of behavior and the obvious displays of

insecurity that she frequently displayed. The look in her eyes, the tone

in her voice, reminiscent of someone who had lost touch with reality. 

Deep inside, he pondered breaking off the relationship. The erratic

behavior had become smothering and yet in those moments of

cuddling, she spoke of the absent father and the torment that it

actualized.

The thought that she is still dealing with this burden as an adult

bothered the comforter in him. He felt a responsibility to be there

for her and to help her grow from this moment of blockage.  

He wore the urgency of his relationship on his face. One night while out

with friends, the laughter he shared, proved shallow. "J what is wrong

with you?" Marcus asked, "You look like you have the weight of the

world on your shoulders." The burden of shame gripped him as he

wanted guidance from his friends and yet he felt further shame for not

having the means to control his relationship.

Jabari asked his friends for their opinion after giving them information,

but of course, not too much information, because he did not want

them to pass too much judgment on her. "Tell me what you think of

this," he asked humbly.

Confidence never lower, as he listened for truth and reassurance. Yet,

the brotherhood left the ball in his corner and tried not to push his

course of action in any direction, for he had to live with his decision.

Days passed with only conversations on the phone with

Isha.  Reclusiveness, is what Jabari believed he needed. A week later

after a pleasant evening at his house alone, consisting of dinner

and a movie, followed by deep thought and meditation, there was

peace.

After so many moments of recent tension, there was peace.....................

However, because bad things can come from love, strife disturbs

tranquility. Days later, on an outing with Isha that turned into a night

stay at her home, opened the moment of revelation, revealing itself in

the form of a simple disagreement and after a few shouts and pleas, it

subsides and calm again reigns. 

However, deep sleep is disturbed by the sound of uncontrollable

sobbing at 3 o'clock in the morning. Jabari sprung up in the bed and

looked around the dark filled room disturbed only by the full moon

light.  A lamp is summoned and a quick visual scan of the bedroom

again. 

The sounds came from the bathroom.

"What is going on," he pondered, as slumber was removed for

alertness. He got up and cautiously approached the closed bathroom

door. As he approached, the sobbing seemed to grow louder. Thoughts

of why raced through his mind and a slight bit of fear griped his body,

as he pushed forward to investigate the unknown. The door was

opened, knowing that bad things can come from love.

Isha sat, balled up on the top of the burgundy matching toilet seat,

eyes puffy from uncontrollable tears. Moving in closer, provided the

sudden sensation of small pieces of plastic beneath his bare feet,

knowing that bad things can come from love.

Looking throughout the bathroom, he noticed a half empty container

of Effexor antidepressants and a half empty bottle of Tylenol, bad

things can come from love.

Everything seemed at that point to move in slow motion with the heart

racing and shock ensuing.

Looking into her eyes with a look of why and she offered a

sick...sick...sick and yet… heartfelt, “I love you.” Because,

bad things can come from love... 

 

Copyrighted material. All rights reserved

 

COPYRIGHT 2016 JASSIRI NASSOR/THOUGHT ELEVATION OLA

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Jassiri Nassor

Greetings:

Welcome to Thought Elevation Ola, a starting place for the seeker of the deeper questions of life and the serious self evaluator. My name is Jassiri Nassor. I am a Spiritual/Reality based Thinker and Creative Writer. I specialize in higher level thought. I enjoy helping myself and assisting individuals connect life's dots through the sciences of Metaphysics, Occultism, Common Sense, and Unadulterated NERVE. Over the past six years my study of the aforementioned systems have helped me tremendously in my personal growth and understanding of myself and the world around me. 

The purpose of this blog is to share my personal stories and insights on daily life in a manner that is relatable and based on the FACT that changing the world is irrelevant until you first change YOURSELF. Acknowledging and conquering the negative features of yourself and your flaws is the ultimate victory. Most people need inspiration to do such a thing, well... you have found the right place. I have found that a well rounded person is balanced in the areas of Mental, Spiritual, Physical and Financial pursuits. I do not have all of the answers , yet I share what I have learned on my personal exploration. Through my sharing, I am sure we can find common ground.

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