Urban (Refined) Christmas Truths of Political Incorrectness
No Jedi Mind Tricks, only what is real...
This is your conscious talking…Its December 25th, pre-Christmas dinner, time 3:25 pm.
You took the time to get your haircut or hair done, you may have bought new clothes or
found the perfect outfit to wear for the annual family gathering.
As you sit on this nice blueish couch, you look around the spacious, stylish
and yet comfortable room with select family member photos strategically placed
around the room. There may be 10-15 members of your clan already gathered together
and typically others will show up late.
Nevertheless, you look at your family members and smile at them, all adults and
children alike. However, inside your thinker, you are organizing each person
in the room into categories. Files such as like, do not like and I can’t stand this
Its natural and so many Christmas movies have attempted to document this picture of
realism, such as A Christmas Story (Ralphie) 1983,
This Christmas 2007,
Four Christmases 2008,
and Perfect Holiday 2007,
to name a few of many.
So let’s not pretend you like all of our family members, file 13 that holiday cheer stuff as
Boyz II Men’s “Let it Snow” plays softly from the expensive stereo system that was
purchased by your aunt and uncle, just to impress visitors.
Despite the onslaught of the perception that Christmas is about love, peace and good
will towards all family members, we are going to be honest here. Visualize this for
example, at least 10 family members live within a 5-15 mile radius of the others home,
yet a large number of family members, only speak or see each other during this
time of the year… for a reason. How ridiculous is that? It’s the equivalent of someone
sitting next to you in church (if you go) bumping their shoulder against your shoulder at
least seven times, yet not once saying anything to you, not even “excuse me.” Then as
soon as “Passta/Father Goodfoot” says “turn to your neighbor and introduce yourself,”
this b*%$#@d?fraud wants to act like you’re best of friends?! Nah, not having it… letteth
the truth see the light.
They Just Can’t Let It Go
If their eyes could lite fires this place would be an inferno. People hold grudges. That should be no surprise right. Well at least people forget about grudges during Christmas time right…Wrong…Wrong. One of the most immature states of mind that I have ever experienced is adults who hold on to grudges from their childhood, teen-aged years, early twenties and even later in life.
In most cases if the grudge is with another person in the family or even a former friend, this individual may very well not express the frustration. Be it an event that actually happened or is a perceived event, based on their memory of the situation as they remember it. Yet, they have little confidence or are too bullheaded to actually discuss the issue with the family member or friend and clear up the confusion. Obviously I am not making light of a serious occurrence.
I will continue. Lets take me for example. I am 45 years old and when I was of elementary age, lets say between the ages of 6-8. At that age I would go and spend the night over at my grandparents home with my two older male cousins who were three years older than me. On a typical gathering which would be on a Friday or Saturday night, we would stay up late in one of the spare bedrooms and watch classic old school horror movies. I’m talking about Christopher Lee’s “Dracula,”
Boris Karloff’s “Frankenstein,”
Lon Chaney, Jr’s “Wolfman,”
William Marshall’s “Blacula.”
Since our grandparents were very strict they believed in us doing our chores at their house and ours. I remember once while we were dusting furniture at our grandparents home. My older cousins who will remain nameless, decided they wanted to speak out against doing these chores. Why then, I do not know. However, they were told by our grandfather to quiet the noise and get back to work.
They were warned by the old school grandfather. So why did they continue to speak against Grandpa underneath their breath? All of a sudden, the man came back into the room to exact vengeance and wrath by way of the leather belt. Oh s#%t, the man was hitting ears, backs, arms, legs, chest, hands and wrist, to the musical tunes of “ow,” “ugh,” and ohhh.”
I was watching this go on around me and I quickly noticed that as the belt whiffed through the air as it was swinging, that Grandpa was not hitting me! It was like I was dodging bullets as if I was in the Matrix movie. I was bobbing left, swinging around to the right, while “Pop,” intentionally did not want to hit me and on purpose wanted to hit my two cousins. When the deed was done both cousins, though throbbing in pain reconnected cloth with furniture and began to wipe once again. This time mixing tears with “Pledge” furniture wax, as my and Grandpa stomped hard out of the room, swiftly, Darth Vader style.
I tried, I mean it with all sincerity as you read this, I tried not to laugh, but what was I to do? I’m laughing right now, so of course I laughed them. I can remember those tear filled eyes gazing at me in anger and disbelief. “Why didddddd…nnn’tttt…sniffle….sniffle….sniffle, Grandpa hit you?”
I shrugged my shoulders, I don’t know, and kept cleaning. First of all I was not the one talking back and secondly that was why I did not get thrashed. But, oh after all of these years as we sit in this living room as grown men, husbands, fathers, these two guys would rather give me this energy of contempt than the energy of family celebration. For what of all things, a whooping they took well over 39 years ago.
What is the Solution?
Thus, throughout the remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening the awkwardness is clearly hard to ignore. Of course, everyone greets each other as they arrive. Everyone tells each other what they have been up to and the mostly positive events that have occurred in each other’s lives. So much can happen 15 miles away.
Of course there is always the family member who clearly is annoyed by all the news of new jobs, new house, everything being great. Because, their life is, how can I say…BORING!! Nothing new happening, just the same ol’ same ol’. Yet, they look at the other family members as if they are the cause of the misery. What can you do?
There is always unspoken truths floating around the room. Yet, no one ever wants to just address the famous “elephant in the room.”
That in and of itself can be annoying to people like me, who like proof and strive to live “drama free.” Just talk about it! However, people just won’t do it. Gifts are opened, the children are excited and play with the gifts. Pictures are taking, that will just as easily be on Facebook as in a photo album. Grandparents, sit back quietly, taking it all in and in many families, not saying what needs to be said. Then after hours of family time and engaging with family members who may not have been seen since…well…last Christmas the time finally arrives. The time comes when everyone prepares to go their own way. Rarely do all family members leave at the same time and of course the burden some family members came with and is leaving out the door with them, along with gifts that will get old, break or no longer fit.
Yet, what is more important gifts or a clear conscience, piece of mind? It is sad, I cannot deny that I have personally experienced some of the things I am writing of. Tension can be cut with a knife, and of the looks I mentioned I have received them. Why, did I not be bold and say what needed to be said? Maybe I expected older members of the family, especially the family matriarch and patriarch, to be the ones to just put a stop to all of the ceremony and put all the issues to rest.
Clearly that is a fantasy for many families all over the world, regardless if they celebrate the mostly American and European holiday of Christmas or not. Things go unsaid and time continues to move on. However, keep in mind that we are dealing with adults in this article. To constantly ponder the thought of why such and such did such and such or why did this happen and not that is useless.
The questions remain. Why is it this the common order of events at holiday gatherings? Is it better to just say nothing, rather than to get things out in the open and risk hurting someones feelings? Are appearances more important than the true love of relatives? At what point do adults make the decision to put away childish things and really be adults? No wonder liqueur is always served up, with that great dinner which may include turkey, macaroni and cheese and pumpkin pie as on one the main deserts. Yet, be careful or that Crown Royal will reveal the truth...
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