Glaring red and blue lights closed in from all directions! In this moment,
he realized that love is not supposed to bring pain, regret and
bewilderment...ever. Contemplate this question. Do you confuse desire
and reality in the pursuit of love? Jabari was such a man, whose ideal
of love was such a flight of fancy that he commonly kept it to himself.
12 months prior to his epiphany, while making the finishing touches on
his latest e-book, he wrote down what would ultimately be his most
vigorous affirmation of the heart. A most intriguing and emotional
manifesto, L.O.V.E., lusting, overnight, vilified and everlasting, gleamed
from the top page of his notebook. In this world of one night stands,
lies and deception between men and women of the single scene and in
particular, the capitol of the Peach State, he nobly stands with the
ranks of honorable men. Men, who love and respect women, with the
due diligence that such an undertaking deserves. Far from a simpleton
in affairs of the heart and after two years of encounters with
unscrupulous women, he is on his ninth month of not dating and 18th
month of celibacy. Clearly experience is the best teacher. As he arose
from his lectern, which served as a place of nourishment and creative
output, women who sat around him quickly stole a glance, as
he simply grabbed a few napkins and returned. Resembling an athletic
Omar Epps with a fashion sense that is respectable, gave women a
reason to look. Once settle back into his seat, he thought of how he
paid no attention to the piercing stares. In his mind the potential for
love is the only language he is willing to hear and in his mind lustful
stares only lead to lustful intentions.
Nevertheless, to see so many attractive women playing the role of the
uninterested, unapproachable, fixated on the laptop, engrossed in a
personal conversation with a friend or the quickly turning away when
looked at female, made for the development of the “been there seen
that” attitude that engrossed him. A woman, coming out of the box
that society has spoken of in volumes in relation to the so called "rules
of engagement" between male and female strangers, would be
refreshing. “Fuck chivalry” he thought. He recalled the last woman he
dated before his vow of celibacy, Hannah.
She was European, 5”2” 120 lbs with short brown hair, light green eyes
and the body of a Victoria Secret model. She was petite with flat
chiseled abs, stunning beautiful face and a very sexy walk that men
cannot help but adore. They met at a jazz club and at the time they
were both sexually curious about their opposite races. Sex was
breathtaking with Hannah. Sex was a marathon of the wills! Who was
going to submit or tap out first? There was not an inch of Jabari’s or
Hannah’s living quarters that was not tested for sexual fulfillment…but
the problem was that, love was not in the equation. She wanted sex so
much that before he broke of the la dolce vita, sex occurred four times
Jabari ultimately figured out that she was draining his productivity and
his energy. Not good, she had to go. That was a tough situation to let
go of. He went through a Pookie phase. “It” kept calling him and calling
him. Then thoughts went back further, to his fling with Nina.
Nina was Brazilian, with the body of a goddess. Many Brazilian women
have bodies that typically are very curvaceous. Nina was no exception.
Her naturally curly black hair, bronze skin and light hazel eyes gave her
a naturally exotic look. She simply was a stunning woman to behold. He
met her at a friend’s house party two months after the Hannah debacle.
Eventually, he ended up having more than the norm with Nina.
Spectacular Kama Sutra was the norm, oh...the strategies; the Hero, the
Triumph, the Arch, the Magic Mountain, the Glowing Juniper, the Cross-
legged, the Seduction, the Curled Angel, the DON’T STOP, GET, GET!!!
However, there turned out to be two important problems. He grew to
disdain sex outside of love and well...she turned out to be married! Her
excuse of an open marriage still left him feeling grimy.
Abstaining from animal products was a part of his life already, however
he felt he needed to develop his spiritual side and being alone was his
answer. The shady pseudo relationships with women had to end. Thus,
in his mind the potential for love was the only language he was willing
to hear. Besides, the lack of sexual release increased his focus and
physical strength by leaps and bounds. “This is so interesting,” he
sarcastically muttered, “So many beautiful women and yet no
individualism.” The vast array of blooming groceries and dazzling food
at Complete Vegan made it a hub for the young, fashionable and fit. It
also made for a great case study of unending story ideas.
While fixated on the spices of his meal and the commas in his writing
piece, a majestic calling hearkened his attention forward.
She...walked with the rhythm of the greatest poetry and the fashion of
a woman unafraid of expressing individuality and style. His heart raced
and body tensed as the physical manifestation of his innermost desires
had just gracefully sat at the table next to his, to enjoy a meal as well.
“Good Afternoon, how are you,” said the angel. Her words seemed to
have been spoken in slow motion, as he surveyed her light brown eyes,
full lips, groovy earrings, chic natural hairstyle and funky duds. “I feel
great, top-notch in fact,” he replied with a mixture of astonishment and
She smiled with approval at his quick witted response, with deep
dimples on display, within flawless coco skin. Brief silence…as the
mystery woman took her turn at surveying the man of a thousand
glances. As the sun gleamed through the windows and lay upon the
tempters of fate, the dance of infatuation resumed. My name is Jabari
and you are…Isha…Isha Faraji, she said.
Faraji in Swahili means "consolation" and his spirit yearned for such
consolation in the mist of the yearning for genuine companionship.
Companionship sought in spite of the fact that bad things can come
His heart began to beat faster as indeed, she was uniquely beautiful as
well as fashionable. Conversation ensued for what seemed like hours,
as talk of fashion, people, life goals and inflated egos brought laughter
Meanwhile, the bashful and astonished female onlookers sucked their
teeth. Her easy humor and keen intellect soothed the innermost fabric
of his soul and provided a glimpse of future possibilities. Numbers
were exchanged and the excitement began.
After a number of meetings and after the layers of bullshit had been
removed a crossroads was reached, were a decision had to be made.
“Where is this relationship going?" asked angel Isha. Males have always
thought in such a “corner” that everything was going fine.
Jabari assumed that trips to the movie theater to see the latest love
tale with the Hollywood "star" of the moment was acceptable.
Especially considering that he had to pretend to like those movies. He
resolved that trips to restaurants, cooking occasionally, walks in the
park were wonderful and bonding experiences. Men really believe that
the sharing of intimate moments and close cuddling are quite ample in
its perfection. However, deep down everyone wants love, despite the
fact that bad things can come from love.
“I want to see our relationship go to another level as well,” responded
Jabari, begrudgingly. With confident assumption, most men who are
put in this situation agree to take the relationship to the next level.
Especially, if she can create a plate of food that a man can brag to his
friends about, she exercises regularly, keeping her body looking great
and of course the ultimate deal breaker is the ohh la la la. You know
what the ohh la la is!!!!!!
Most men do not want to separate from the ohh la la. Thus he agreed
to O.K. the continuance of the courtship. Even though deep inside he
felt that, bad things can come from love.
When a man spends quality time with a woman, evidence is compiled.
Yet, in many circumstances the evidence is overlooked, overlooked and
overlooked again. “I have to go and finish an article that I am writing
for Distinction Magazine.” Jabari insisted that he would call later.
"Please don't go, if you do I will never speak to you again," Isha
At first it was startling and yet cute at the same time. After passionate
love was made, that of course made him glad that he did not leave,
however, he thought, bad things can come from love.
A week later after several days of a mix of great outings and substitute
phone conversations, she does not want him to leave and once
again, he attempts to talk to her about the issue at hand, in a mature
manner. Yet, after a short period of time, after several other
moments spent in bliss, the un-favored trait appeared again.
Isha wanted Jabari around more often and it was cool at first, but after
a while he emphatically uttered “damn can I breathe?!” Isha shook
with surprise and horror as the man of her dreams showed anger for
the first time in their seven month relationship.
“Believe me, I love you and everything our love represents, but
sometimes I want to hang out with friends or be alone, not to
mention my work means a lot to me and it takes concentration for
me to be great at it ,” Jabari pleaded.
They embraced for what seemed like an eternity for both, as warmth
and comfort replaced the outburst. He felt an uncomfortable numbness
as he drove away from her house, knowing in the back of his mind that,
bad things can come from love.
When alone and away from Isha, he thought candidly about the woman
whom he had come to adore. For so long he waited patiently for
someone that could complete him. In Isha, he believed that he finally
found a woman who could uplift and support him in the name of love.
He thought about the pattern of behavior and the obvious displays of
insecurity that she frequently displayed. The look in her eyes, the tone
in her voice, reminiscent of someone who had lost touch with reality.
Deep inside, he pondered breaking off the relationship. The erratic
behavior had become smothering and yet in those moments of
cuddling, she spoke of the absent father and the torment that it
The thought that she is still dealing with this burden as an adult
bothered the comforter in him. He felt a responsibility to be there
for her and to help her grow from this moment of blockage.
He wore the urgency of his relationship on his face. One night while out
with friends, the laughter he shared, proved shallow. "J what is wrong
with you?" Marcus asked, "You look like you have the weight of the
world on your shoulders." The burden of shame gripped him as he
wanted guidance from his friends and yet he felt further shame for not
having the means to control his relationship.
Jabari asked his friends for their opinion after giving them information,
but of course, not too much information, because he did not want
them to pass too much judgment on her. "Tell me what you think of
this," he asked humbly.
Confidence never lower, as he listened for truth and reassurance. Yet,
the brotherhood left the ball in his corner and tried not to push his
course of action in any direction, for he had to live with his decision.
Days passed with only conversations on the phone with
Isha. Reclusiveness, is what Jabari believed he needed. A week later
after a pleasant evening at his house alone, consisting of dinner
and a movie, followed by deep thought and meditation, there was
After so many moments of recent tension, there was peace.....................
However, because bad things can come from love, strife disturbs
tranquility. Days later, on an outing with Isha that turned into a night
stay at her home, opened the moment of revelation, revealing itself in
the form of a simple disagreement and after a few shouts and pleas, it
subsides and calm again reigns.
However, deep sleep is disturbed by the sound of uncontrollable
sobbing at 3 o'clock in the morning. Jabari sprung up in the bed and
looked around the dark filled room disturbed only by the full moon
light. A lamp is summoned and a quick visual scan of the bedroom
The sounds came from the bathroom.
"What is going on," he pondered, as slumber was removed for
alertness. He got up and cautiously approached the closed bathroom
door. As he approached, the sobbing seemed to grow louder. Thoughts
of why raced through his mind and a slight bit of fear griped his body,
as he pushed forward to investigate the unknown. The door was
opened, knowing that bad things can come from love.
Isha sat, balled up on the top of the burgundy matching toilet seat,
eyes puffy from uncontrollable tears. Moving in closer, provided the
sudden sensation of small pieces of plastic beneath his bare feet,
knowing that bad things can come from love.
Looking throughout the bathroom, he noticed a half empty container
of Effexor antidepressants and a half empty bottle of Tylenol, bad
things can come from love.
Everything seemed at that point to move in slow motion with the heart
racing and shock ensuing.
Looking into her eyes with a look of why and she offered a
sick...sick...sick and yet… heartfelt, “I love you.” Because,
bad things can come from love...
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COPYRIGHT 2016 JASSIRI NASSOR/THOUGHT ELEVATION OLA